Yesterday I knocked a full coffee-pot over and it emptied its contents all over the cat. (The cat`s fault).
At work, I once sliced into my finger with a large pair of scissors. The First Aiders just could not stop it bleeding and I lost Buckets of Blood. In fact it could have been terminal had someone not realised my trendy Biba T-shirt was tightly elasticated at the wrist.
They cut my T-shirt. Now whose fault was that?
Well it could come under "industrial mishap", according to quite a lot of adverts around at the moment. Here is but one...
Do you want to Make A Claim?
You Need
Plasters R Us
We are a smart-and-sympathetic-looking legal team based just around the corner and we specialise in Everything. Bring your injury compensation claim to us immediately and we`ll FEEL your PAIN – you must have seen our TV advert with the rueful trip-up down those steps... Remember -
No Win, No Fee and Your Plaster Back!
Sounds fair. Thinking about it, I`ve had numerous accidents that could well have been not-my-fault. I mean, searing-hot irons, evil garden implements, just about everything in your kitchen – all are surely fraught with peril. Your home is a Deathtrap.
One Christmas I cracked a thighbone just moving back to admire our newly-decorated Nordman Fir! Anyone could have forgotten the two steps in our living room and really, I don`t think they should make tiles so hard. Still have the scar, you know…
George is constantly telling me not to climb on things, so maybe I should have expected to fall off the kitchen table when I used it to raise me to the curtain rail. Curtains re-hung, I stepped from table to halfway-down chair, only to find it had moved away...
That was most unpleasant - Do you find when falling from a great height that everything slows down? You have aeons to contemplate the excruciating pain of the landing with its probable Life-Changing Injuries. And worse on this occasion - No-one Heard me Scream.
Finally I got bored lying on the kitchen floor and had to haul myself tentatively up. It was hours before anyone even noticed me dragging my leg round and whimpering. (Outwardly it`s good to flaunt one`s pain, never forgetting how lucky one has been with its unseriousness).
As for George... well, he boldly doesn`t like to flaunt his pain so I tend to ignore it. One time, though, he almost poked his eye out whilst unpacking a metal-rod-backed chair. It was not very like this picturehere, except for those Dangerous Bobbles on top.
His specs no doubt softened the blow and at the hospital they cleverly retrieved all the bits of glass and rebuilt him. He was calm and brave, and they locked me out of the way in a side room - that wasn`t going to stop me hyper-ventilating, was it?
Of course horrid things happen outside the confines of home... who Hasn`t had a car accident? I remember coming home one afternoon, turning into the drive as usual and crunching Right Into the concrete gatepost. This was possibly my fault as I was also waving Hello at our neighbours. Although they`d waved first... How far back can one claim, I wonder (we kept the dent).
It`s impossible to blame all your accidents on somebody else. So remember - be careful out there, take notes and above all, Hang onto the Evidence
